The septic system permit required a map drawn to scale showing the "EXACT LOCATION" of the system and it's design within 1 year from the date of the issuance. This meant we needed drawings submitted to the Department of Enviromental Quality (DEQ) discribing the septic system we would install and the "EXACT LOCATION" of it. I made my living as a designer and "EXACT" doesn't exist. I called the DEQ and asked what they meant by "EXACT" and their comment was "just what it says" and informed me that I should contact one of their contractors listed on the bottom of the form. Can you see the smoke coming out of my ears? What in fact they were saying is that they wanted us to hire someone to do the job. They forced us to waste money for an "EXACT" scale map drawn on a macintosh. Nothing was to scale and if I am generous the location as discribed might have been within a city block. We presented this joke to them and it was approved with typical govermental delay. We also contacted the electric , telephone and the local planning department beginning those processes. Having completed the first stage of permits we contacted the DEQ again requesting information regarding the construction of our system. Our intent was to do everything we could ourselves. The DEQ responded with a pamphlet. I studied the instructions carefully and just like other dealings I had with the DEQ there were no tolerances on any dimensions. Pamphlet in hand, Tony, a friend I met in Oregon, and I, began stakeing the drainage lines. We were required to space the lines 10 foot apart and they were to be 2 foot deep by 2 foot wide. We began staking the area locateing the lines for the drainage field. The field would lie on a hillside. This meant that the lines were arcs curved around the hill. We used a builders level to determine the elevation and staked out the four lines as required. Now the problems began. The trenches are wrapped around a hillside. This means one side of the trench would be deeper than the other.
Acording to the DEQ the lines all had to be 2 foot deep. You can see in the sketch that dimension A and B will never be the same. Where would they measure the trench depth at ? A and B, shown in the sketch would never be the same. I needed answers and a plus and minus tolerance to determine what would be acceptable. I phoned the DEQ. I was informed it had to be EXACTLY as the pamphlet stated. My frustration mounted. My wife and i decided it would be best to drive to the DEQ office and talk with their engineer or someone who had some concept of what the real world is all about. BIG MISTAKE ! The receptionist thought she ran the the DEQ and that I should discuss this with her. Ok ! I explained that everything needed to have a tolerance. That nothing in this land was perfect.
Obviously she felt she was because she informed me it had to be exactly like the pamphlet stated. Now you surely can see the smoke from my ears. Not being a person who ever speaks in a monitone I demanded to speak to someone who knew what they
were talking about. Ummm! Maybe I was a bit loud. Someone from the back came out and asked what the problem was. I explained I needed tolerances for the dimensions shown in their pamphlet and also where they would take their measurments when theyinspected the trenches. The next think I knew he was telling me how to operate a backhoe. More smoke !! Politely I explained I wasn't interested in learning how to operate a backhoe but needed the tolerances and information. He looked at me wih a smile and asked "Are you planning on doing it yourself ?". I stated that was our intention. The DEQ representative started walking away and turned to me. With a grin on his face he said "Good luck" and left the room . I doubt that I have ever been more upset in my life. The smoke was now FIRE . Midge suggested we leave quickly before I ended up in jail.
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Moved into FortuneCity
December 4th, 1997
Updated July 9th, 2002